Centrum Permanibit
by John Reed
Summary: Set after "The Fiery Heart", Sydney and Adrian try to hold their connection in the trials that follow the end of the book. SPOILERS for the entire Bloodlines series (and maybe Vampire Academy series) through The Fiery Heart"...
1. Chapter 1 - Sydney

It was different when I came to my senses this time. Before, I was almost always in the dark - pitch black, really. Those times there was light, it was always too bright - it always hurt my eyes.

Though I could tell it was different, I instinctively drew my legs up to my chest and moved my hands to shield my eyes. I knew it wouldn't matter, whatever I did, they would find a way to torment me. I wasn't sure if it would be better if I ignored them, let them think I was strong enough to face whatever they had without flinching; but I hadn't been able to think about it. I had been reduced to flinching every time I woke up - never knowing what they would do to me this time.

I could tell, however, that what they were doing to me was getting worse. Not that each time was worse than than last, but it was much more intense than when they started. As weird as it sounds, it was a little comforting. I always thought that I was holding up ok, that I wasn't giving them anything but I could never be sure. I could be forgetting things. I knew I had been pumped full of drugs, and was worried that I had said something without knowing I was saying it. The fact that they were ramping things up made me think I hadn't given them anything yet, but I wasn't sure.

Still, I had to keep trying. I had to keep Adrian in my mind -if I was still sane, and that was a big if, it was because of my memories of him. I had to keep him in my mind, but off of my lips.

And I was apparently doing it - I couldn't tell much from the flat, emotionless voice I kept hearing, but I could tell they weren't happy with me.

The last few sessions had been the worst. Somehow, the physical pain had increased. For the longest time, what I felt physically seemed fairly constant - they had been working on my mind. Now the pain had was increasing. The air was colder, so was the floor. It was so cold that I moved around very little. I still needed to test my strength, still needed to get what exercise I could - I knew that. But it was much harder.

The water still seemed fine, but it was colder as well.

So there I was, curled up, wondering what they would throw at me this time, when I heard his voice. "Sydney!"

All I could think was 'How did they find out? How did they get Adrian's voice into here? Have I given something away?"

Then I felt his touch. That startled me enough that I raised my head, though just a little at first.

As I slowly raised my eyes, I heard his voice again, "Sydney?"

His tone was different this time. The first time he said my name, he was alarmed. This time, it was hard to tell - he was uncertain, afraid, emphathetic. I still wasn't sure if I was imagining things, it the Alchemists had somehow put him in my head to test me, but I didn't resist as he pulled me to my feet and pulled me into a brief hug. Too brief.

I hadn't tried to lift my arms to return the hug before he leaned away from me. I caught his eyes for just a second - if this was Alchemist doing, they had gotten them just right - before I saw them looking down at me in surprise.

"Are you really like this?" I heard him ask incredulously.

I looked down do see what he was looking at, and noticed I was still naked - though it only lasted for a second. I was soon dressed in jeans and, of all things my A.Y.E. shirt.

It was then that I realized that I wasn't cold, that I felt no pain. My mind cleared a little as I realized that I was in a spirit dream.

"Sydney, do they really have you..." he began.

For some reason, I didn't want to hear him say the word, so I interrupted him. "Naked. Yes."

His face was changing, he was getting angry. I didn't want whatever time we had together to be spent with him angry, so I quickly said, "They're trying to humilite me."

"I'm going to kill..."

"Adrian!" I interrupted again. "Not now."

His face changed quickly, and he kissed me again, longer this time. I knew it wouldn't do to waste the time we had together, but didn't think this was wasting time. I let him decide when to end the kiss, and was disappointed when he did.

He continued to hold me tightly, though, as he expressed his frustration. "No one could reach you, Sydney. Not me, not Sonya, not even Jackie. Every time we tried, we just found darkness."

"You found me," I said. I knew they would be trying, but felt some comfort in having it confirmed. "I was in the dark, and I was drugged. Doesn't that interfere with dream..."

I cut myself off as I realized what he had done. He had givin up the medicine to be able to get spirit back and reach me. He had given up the medicine that I had talked him into taking.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. As much as I wanted this, it was dangerous for him. I didn't have time to think about it - he was talking again.

"So they took you off the drugs? Why would they do that?"

"To make me suffer." I was a little surprised that I could speak about this so easily, but I was also relieved that my thinking seemed to be normal. How could it not be? I wasn't cold, I didn't hurt, and I was with Adrian.

"I'm going to kill..."

He spoke louder this time, and I quickly interrupted again, "Adrian!"

He was scowling when he turned back to me, and I quickly added "Not unless you find me."

His face relaxed a little. "Where are you?"

The question that I knew would come. Well, I knew it once I was convinced that I really was with Adrian.

Really, this was a hard question for me to answer. Not because I didn't know the answer, which I didn't, but because I didn't want Adrian in danger. I didn't want him taking any risks for me, and I knew that once he found me, he would take any risk had to, to get to me. I had resolved to let them "reeducate" me to protect Adrian and the others with me in Palm Springs.

Well, maybe 'let' them reeducate me was an exaggeration. Once the Alchemists had come for me, I had decided to make sure everyone else was safe. I had tricked Eddie into leaving me alone, something he would never have done if he knew what I was doing.

Of course, if Adrian found me, he would come for me, and he would do anything he had to do to get to me. Just like Adrian, really, Jill would probably do the same - maybe even Angeline. Possibly Neil - I did save him from freezing to death once.

They would come for me, maybe bring others. Sometimes I got the feeling that Rose would do anything to protect me. It was her nature, and I had helped her as well - though really it had only been because of Abe, because Abe made me...

"Sydney!" Adrian broke me out of my thoughts again. When I looked into his eyes, I could tell he was worried. All he wanted to do was find me.

"I don't..." I began, about to tell him that I didn't know. It was then that I felt the cold again. Suddenly, I was freezing.

"Sydney!" Adrian was alarmed again. He knew that I was being pulled out of the dream, that I was being woken up.

"I don't know," I repeated as fast as I could. "Ask Abe to find me."

By the time I had finished I was in the dark again. The air was cold again. So was the floor - cold, hard and concrete.

I had no idea if Adrian had heard all of my message. As much as I wanted to be found, I wanted these people that I love to be safe. And as odd as it seemed to me now, if they were with Abe Mazur, they might be. I had done some things for Abe, and he had done a thing or two for me. If we did the math, he would think that I owed him a favor just now. But I hoped that I had done enough for him in the past that he would do this do this for me, if only to make me owe him another favor.

I was pretty sure Adrian wouldn't like it, but I thought he would understand my meaning. If anyone could find me, Abe could. If he did, he was conniving enough to get us all through this in one piece.

I was startled by a bright light again and gasped, covering my eyes with my hand. I had flinched again, which was a little disappointing. Then came the maddening, monotone voice, "Good morning, Sydney. Did you sleep well?"

"No." I managed to say, though my mind was elsewhere. Would Adrian talk to Abe? Would they find me? Now that the drugs were gone, did I dare try to use magic?

I couldn't spend any time thinking about it. Another glorious day (or hour, or week, or whatever the time period was that they kept me awake) of reeducation had begun.

"So sorry to hear it, Sydney. You know you'll sleep better if you just confess..."


	2. Chapter 2 - Adrian

_Thanks to BriEva who consulted with me on this. This is better because of her…_

Adrian

"I could see a little," Jackie told me after she came back into where I waited, "but not very much. I don't have enough power right now. I'll definitely have enough at the new moon, but not yet."

"But that's a month away!" I said. I was desperate, and knew it. I'm sure Jaclyn Terwilliger knew it as well.

"25 days," she corrected, as she rose to answer the door. I had barely heard the knock.

I had taken the advice Jill gave me the last time I was here – I had gotten a couple of days of sleep. Not that anyone would be able to tell by looking at me. As I glanced down at what I was wearing, I suspected that it was what I had worn yesterday, maybe the day before. Really, it wasn't even something I would normally wear in public. It was wrinkled, too – something I would not have even considered letting happen normally. I'm not sure when I had last looked into a mirror, it just didn't seem important. Sydney was what was important.

I knew from Marcus and Jackie that Sydney was alive, but not much else. Whatever she faced, there was no way I was going to make her endure it for long. She had already been enduring it for weeks. So I had made finding her my main priority again. Spirit was better, I was better, and I was hopeful.

It was only a few days after Jackie had cast her last spell that I was able to reach Sydney. I had come to Jackie's home almost immediately after finally finding her, not even considering my appearance. All I could think of was that they had finally let the drugs run out of her system. I didn't like that it was apparently so she would feel more pain while they tried to reeducate her, but at least she was reachable.

Though I knew Jackie had expended a lot of power in the previous spells, I didn't want to wait, couldn't stand the thought that Sydney might have to endure what they were doing to her for another day, so I had come here hoping Jackie might be able to find her immediately. I knew Jackie was a powerful witch – I had seen it and Sydney had said so. Their connection was strong, so I thought – or hoped - that, with the drugs gone, Jackie might be able to do it. Apparently something – their connection, Jackie, whatever – was not strong enough…

"Adrian?" Jill asked. I hadn't even realized that my eyes were closed, but opened them to see her and Eddie standing by Jackie. Jill looked shocked, concerned and upset. Maybe it was my appearance, maybe my despair was seeping into her, I wasn't sure.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. It probably came out more as a growl than as a question. It was a stupid question, anyway. I knew what she was doing. I hadn't thought about Jill and the bond, only about Sydney.

"I'm sorry," she said. It took me a few seconds to realize what she meant – she had seen everything, including Jackie's failed attempt at the spell. At least, that's what I thought she meant. It could have been my appearance, the darkness that I felt and was passing to her though the bond, maybe something else.

Even with Jill right in front of me, I could only think of Sydney. I turned to Jackie, ignoring the others. "What did you see? You said you saw a little, what was it?"

Jackie was upset – I think from the failure of the spell – and was drinking something, probably to get her blood sugar back up. She answered me between sips. "I saw a girl – I think it was Sydney. She was curled up in a corner of a dark room, and she was…"

"Naked?" I asked when Jackie let her words drop off.

Jackie glanced briefly at Jill, then looked down. "I think she felt me, knew I was there, but I couldn't get the vision clearer. I tried to leave the room and see if I could see anything about where she was. It was light outside, and I saw a highway."

I sat up straight at that, though a little too quickly – it made me feel a little sick. Highways have numbers I realized, but she quickly extinguished the glimmer of hope that I felt when she said, "I couldn't tell which one – just that it was an interstate highway. I didn't see the number before I lost the vision."

I sank back into the couch. We were so close…

"It's something." Jill offered, trying to give me a glimmer of hope. "Maybe it's unique enough that Marcus would know…"

"Marcus." I repeated softly to myself. I had interrupted her, which I hadn't intended, but Marcus - the know-it-all who almost took Sydney away from us? How could I stand it if he turned out to be right?

"We should call Abe Mazur," Jill said, startling me. As I looked at her, I realized that she would have heard Sydney's last request as clearly as I had.

"Stay away from him." I told her automatically. I knew that somehow Abe was involved in all of this, he seemed to be helping Jill; but I was sure he wanted something from it all. He always did.

"It's what Sydney wanted." Jill insisted.

I glanced at Eddie, who looked as upset at the idea as I felt. Yes, it was what Sydney wanted, but why would Abe help? Why would he even take my call? "He has no reason to help me," I said.

"If you mention Sydney…" Jill began.

"He wouldn't even take my call." I said, giving a voice to the despair I felt as I shook my head. I still thought Jackie could find her, or at least I hoped she could. I didn't have to rely on Abe, who would only try to use Sydney some more, or Marcus – who probably wanted to do the same.

As I thought about it all, I could feel the desperation. I couldn't see any good option. I knew the darkness was starting to move in on me and I was trying to fight it, when I heard Jill speak again.

"He'll talk to Lissa."

"Jill?" I asked as she turned from me and spoke quietly into her phone.

I began to rise to go to her, but sat back down. My head wasn't clear yet, and I knew that my recent use of Spirit was getting to me, I was exhausted. Maybe my mind cleared a little, because I began to think Jill had a point – Abe would talk to Lissa, or Rose. I pushed myself up, slowly, and went to her. She had her phone against her ear, and appeared to be waiting for someone to speak.

"Let me talk to her," Jill whispered. "She doesn't know about you and Sydney."

"Does it matter?" I asked. Who was there left to hide from, they had taken her. "The Alchemists know…"

"The Moroi don't," Jill whispered emphatically. "We need to keep it that way."

I stared at Jill. It was true, but did it really matter? Would it cause more problems for Lissa? Would the Alchemists tell the Moroi anyway?

Jill started talking into the phone again, so I said, "At lease put it on speaker."

Jill glared at me, but complied.

"Jill, are you alright?" came from the phone. It was Lissa. She and Jill had been pretty uncomfortable around each other at first, but grown closer. Lissa knew that there was a new Alchemist in Palm Springs, and had tried to find something out about Sydney. Despite being Queen of the Moroi, she hadn't come up with anything. The Alchemists didn't owe her anything and weren't answering her questions.

Jill took a breath before she spoke. She moved her eyes to me, then to Eddie. "I'm fine. You should know that Adrian and Eddie are with me." Jackie was still nearby, but was not mentioned. "Thanks for talking to us."

"Christian, Rose and Dimitri are with me," Lissa said. "Are you sure you want to do this out in the open like this?"

"Yeah. They can hear this." Jill said.

"Well, OK," the queen responded. "You're lucky you caught me. I have to be in a meeting in 15 minutes."

"I think they'll wait for you." I said. I couldn't stop myself.

Jill glared at me again. I was sure the darkness I felt was seeping through to her, and my attempt at a snarky remark wasn't helping; but Lissa, at least, sounded a little amused. "I'd rather not make them. Hello Adrian."

"Ah, you remember me, cousin," I said. "That should make what we're going to talk about easier."

"Adrian!" Jill said to me sharply, almost sounding like Sydney when she was exasperated with me. "We need your help, Lissa. We need Sydney back, we need her to be here again."

I could almost see the queen looking at the others in the room. "Jill, I've talked to Adrian about this. The Alchemists control where she goes. They won't tell me. There's a new Alchemist there."

"I can't do it!" Jill said sharply. I didn't think this was a tone she would usually use with Lissa, it was probably the darkness coming from me. Or maybe she was upset about it all on her own. "I can't work with the new one, Mora, or whatever. She doesn't even want to be around us."

"That's normal," Lissa said, sounding like she was trying to be reasonable. "Sydney was that way too, wasn't she?"

"A little," Jill admitted. "But she still did things for us. She helped me, made things easier for me."

"Maybe you need to learn to do more on your own…" Lissa began, but I decided this was taking too long.

"They're hurting her!" I interrupted. I couldn't help it. Maybe it was a good try for Jill to say that the new Alchemist wasn't helpful, but I knew Lissa well enough to know that it wasn't working. Sydney was hurting, and we had to get to the point.

Lissa was obviously confused. "They…wouldn't…why would they?"

Jill shook her head at me again, and said "Because she got too close to us. That's why they took her away."

"Surely they just reassigned her." Lissa said. "Why would they hurt her?"

Eddie spoke for the first time. "Because they think it's wrong for her to like us enough to help us. When they took her, they were saying things like they were going to save her from damnation, make her see things right."

"You were with her when she left?" This was Dimitri. "You think she wasn't willing to go?"

"I was with her when she was taken," Eddie said adamantly. He seemed to be offended by the question. I already knew he thought he had failed in his duty to protect Sydney. "Yes. But there were so many of them, and she tricked me. She made me leave her. I was so stu…"

"No." I interrupted. "I told you, it was what she wanted…"

"Adrian found her in a dream," Jill said, interrupting us. She was obviously upset as she added, "They were hurting her, trying to break her."

"What?" Lissa gasped. "But…"

"We owe her," Eddie said. "She's helped Jill at school. She got rid of a rogue Alchemist who was taking Clarence's blood and selling it. She's helped Jill and other Moroi."

I thought that this was a good approach, so I began to try to think of a way to tell how she had helped me, to think of a way to say it without betraying our relationship. Jill spoke again before I had come up with anything.

"It's not just that. I'm related to Sonya, I've talked to her; and I've heard you and Rose talk about what happened. I know she helped Rose and Dimitri clear themselves, helped them find me."

Lissa hesitated. Dimitri finally spoke. "It was Sydney who convinced Sonya to take us to Jill. Sydney found a way for Sonya to keep her promise to Jill's mother and to still let us find her."

"Sydney helped you with that?" Lissa asked.

"In fact, Sydney helped us find Sonya," Dimitri continued. "She went into Donovan's place alone and lured out the three Stragoi inside so we could ambush and interrogate them."

"What?" seemed to come from me, Eddie and Lissa all at the same time. They had used her as bait?

After a brief silence, Rose said, "She was really brave, she did everything we asked of her. In fact, it was Sydney that talked another Alchemist into describing Queen Tatiana's murderer. We couldn't get him to do it. Sydney did it."

"See?" Jill proclaimed triumphantly. "You never would have found the murderer, Rose and Dimtri would not be free and you would not be queen. We owe her."

"What do you want me to do?" Lissa asked, sounding a little unsure. "I can't just send a Guardian army into an Alchemist facility."

"Well," I began - I had finally heard enough. I was tired of hearing what could not be done. "I can go to the Alchemist bitch here, get into her head, find her boss, go to her boss, get into the boss' head, find that boss' boss…"

"Adrian!" Jill interrupted.

"Why would you…" Lissa began, apparently wondering why I would make such a threat for an Alchemist. Was I betraying the relationship I had with Sydney?

"She's helped Adrian, too," Jill answered quickly. "She got him into school, which he loves, she got Dimitri and Sonya to ask you to talk to his dad. She's helped him, which, because of the bond, helps me. We owe her."

"I've already talked to the Alchemists," Lissa said carefully.

"Ask Abe Mazur to help her," Jill said, finally getting to the point. I didn't like it, but if Jackie couldn't find her Abe was probably our best bet. It was what Sydney had asked for anyway.

"Stay away from him," Lissa and Rose said at the same time.

Jill rolled her eyes, which made me smile a little. "I barely know him, you know that. But he can help her…"

"I'm not sure she wants anything to do with Abe," Rose quickly told Lissa.

"She already has 'something to do' with him," I said, "You know that. I don't like it any more than you do, but he can help her, and she asked me ask him to find her. I don't know that he'll talk to me, but he'll talk to you." I didn't specify whether I meant Lissa or Rose, I thought he would talk to either.

They hesitated before responding, prompting Jill to repeat, "We owe her. You owe her, all of you."

"I was afraid of this when she helped us," Dimitri said after a few seconds of silence. "She seemed to be fine while I was there, but…"

"But not anymore," Rose finished. "They're right. I felt bad about having to leave her after what she had done for us. She's done more than we can repay. We should help her."

"Okay," Lissa finally said, sighing a little. "We'll talk to Abe, tell him to get in touch with you."

"Tell him to hurry," I said, "or I will go to the Alchemist here and see what spirit can do to that useless, 'we don't need to have any contact' brain of hers."

"I believe you," Lissa said quickly. "We'll tell him."

Jill quickly picked up the phone, turned speaker off, and said, "Thanks" before disconnecting. The she turned to me, a sad smile on her face.

"Good job," I told her.

"Nice threat," she countered.

"It was a promise," I said.

Jill nodded. "I know. And I know you'll try to reach her again, but Adrian, get some rest first. You need it, we both need it."

"I will. Some rest." Everything I felt affected Jill. If I let myself slip farther into darkness or despair, she would feel it – I knew that. But I could only think about Sydney, about what she might be going through. And now, I was convinced that Jill needed Sydney back as much as I did.

"Maybe comb your hair, take a shower…" Eddie added.

"I'll try again, too," Jackie said quickly, "once I get some of my strength back."

"I'll call Marcus," Eddie said, "see if he can do anything with what we've learned."

"You can rest here, if you want," Jackie offered, speaking to me.

"I do, thanks," I said as I collapsed back into the couch. If I didn't have to drive, I could try to reach Sydney right now, then again, and again, and again - with a little rest in between. And when I reached her, I would tell her that we're coming for her. I'm not sure where we'll have to go or who will be with us, but we'll be coming for her. She just needs to hold on…


	3. Chapter 3 - Sydney

_Thanks again to BriEva for additional, useful consultation on this chapter..._

Sydney

"We're not going anywhere Sydney. Neither are you," the maddening, monotone voice said. "You're going to confess eventually. Do it now, before it gets even more unpleasant for you."

"I keep telling you I have nothing to confess," I managed to say through gritted teeth.

"You know better," the stupid voice said. "Even though you do not care about your immortal soul, you should listen to your body. You need to confess so you can get a blanket and clothing. Confess and you will be moved to a warm, comfortable room where we will help you remember what you have forgotten, the right way to live your life again. You don't have to stay here, hungry and cold.

I just stayed silent. There were times I couldn't say anything for fear of betraying the part of me that just wanted to get out. So I stayed quiet and thought about Adrian. His green, green eyes, his ready smile, the courage he showed by taking the medicine.

"It will only get harder for you, Sydney," the voice said.

It was ending for now, I knew that much. After abusing me, they reminded me that it would happen again, and again. I stayed quiet and thought of Adrian.

When I didn't respond, the voice continued, "You need to think about it some more. Think carefully Sydney. You will be colder."

I wasn't sure how I could be any colder and still be alive. I was sure, however, that they still wanted me alive. Pretty sure, anyway.

"The lights will be brighter." the voice said as the lights suddenly became extremely bright again. I flinched and put my hands in front of my eyes, cursing myself as I did it. I was flinching more often, not less

"You will feel the cold rain. Is that what you want?"

"No." I said weakly. That had been today's activity – combine the cold with rain, or mist or whatever so that I was freezing at the same time I was wet - and I had nothing to use to dry or warm myself. They hadn't gotten physical with me yet – other than to make my environment as intolerable as possible, but I was afraid that would start soon.

"Think about it, Sydney. Confess."

It was suddenly dark again. After a few minutes, I realized that I was alone in the dark, it was cold and quiet.

I had been curled up against a wall, and I briefly considered standing, when I felt something.

It didn't feel warm, or dry, or anything that I really wanted to feel. I felt a presence. I couldn't see or hear anyone, I wasn't touched, but I knew someone was there. I can't say how – it wasn't the invasion of my mind that I felt when I was found by a hostile witch once before, and I was sure I was awake when I felt it.

I drew in a breath to speak, but managed to stop myself. Would my captors mistake my words as a beginning of a confession? So I concentrated, and tried to connect to whoever was with me.

It didn't work. I could feel the connection dissolve, and knew I was alone again. It was devastating. Adrian had found me, briefly, and now someone else. Since I was wake, I thought it could only be a witch - Ms. Terwilliger, maybe?

I knew I should force myself to stand, get a little exercise and maybe a drink, but was tired of drinking ice water. I was beginning to doubt myself. I tried really hard to think of Adrian, but my mind was wandering. The voice's threats kept coming back to me – 'It will get colder. The light will be brighter.'

The voice was getting to me, but at least I could tell that I was drifting to sleep. As tired as I was, this upset me a little. Would the stupid, monotone voice dominate my dreams?

It didn't. Instead, I found myself in a room that I didn't recognize. It was a living room of sorts, bits of furniture scattered about, but nothing looked very solid.

"Adrian?" I asked as I realized this could be a spirit dream. I glanced down at myself and made sure I was dressed this time. I was, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from myself. My hands weren't blue from the cold, and though my knees were exposed, they weren't scraped and bleeding…

"Sydney?" I heard from behind me. I was startled and took a step away from the voice before turning around. I had never been a dream like this with anyone but Adrian.

I faced Sonya and drew in a breath. It was Sonya, my friend. I trusted her, but had she heard me ask for Adrian? I knew she had her suspicions about us, or maybe it was more. I knew she had seen things in my aura, if not in his. She had almost said something several times, but hadn't quite explicitly said it yet. Was she here to help me, or to criticize me?

She was smiling tentatively as she said, "Sydney. You're alive."

I nodded as she continued. "I've been looking for you, Adrian has too. Even Lissa has been helping." She looked at me uncertainly as I nodded again. I wasn't sure what to say to her, but she was talking again anyway. "Adrian is beside himself. The others don't know why he would care so much about you, but…"

"But you figured it out." I interrupted as she hesitated. So she knew. Did she really expect me to discuss it now? Was she going to give me a lecture about how wrong it was? I didn't want or need that.

"So what are you going to do?" I asked. It was probably harsher than I intended, reeducation was getting to me. "Leave me here until they 'fix' me? Report him to the queen? What?"

She cringed and shook her head. "Of course not. I'm going to help find you, and help you with anything else I can. I know what you've done for me, Sydney, what you've done for the Moroi." She lowered her head briefly, and added, "I'm not sure I agree or understand, but I know…"

I took a breath and tried to get control of myself. "OK. But I can't help you find me. I don't know where I am."

She looked up at me, a little confused. "You don't know?"

I shook my head as I said, "They don't tell us about…"

"Sydney!" Sonya gasped, as she began to fade away.

"Sonya?" I asked, moving towards her disappearing figure. Seeing her was a surprise, but I wasn't ready to let go of a familiar face. She was my friend, and she was leaving.

My disappointment only lasted a second before I saw Adrian. I was in a totally different place, though it felt familiar. It, too, didn't look very solid. Still, I wasn't paying all that much attention to our surroundings. My eyes were fixed on Adrian.

He said my name, but I had my arms around him before he had finished it. He wasn't returning my hug, though. He was looking around a little, then he asked "Were you with here someone else?"

He was worried so, I dropped my arms and nodded. "Sonya was here."

He was confused for a second, then his face softened. "I didn't know she was still looking for you. OK."

He hugged me again and I returned it. I was relieved, though I knew this wasn't going to last forever. I had no idea how long they would let me 'think about' my confession this time.

"I talked to Lissa," he was saying into the top of my head, "She'll contact Abe. Jackie's been trying too, and will try again when she has more power."

"I think she found me," I said into his chest. He had slacked his grip a little, but I wasn't ready to let go. "I felt a bit of a connection, but it didn't last very long."

He nodded. "We're coming Sydney. You just need to hold on." He forced me to let go and then pulled my head up so he could kiss me. I wasn't going to resist this, though I pressed up against him and wrapped my arms around him as best I could. I wanted to remember what this felt like.

When he finally let the kiss go and looked at me with those green eyes that melted me, he said, "Jackie did see an interstate highway sign, so we think you're in the U.S., but she didn't see the number. We'll see what Abe and Marcus can do with that."

I nodded. They were looking for me. Very smart, well connected people who could help were looking for me. That made me feel better.

"Are you holding up?" he asked.

I tried again to get control of myself and hide the extent to which reeducation was getting to me. I don't think he had seen much in his prior visit – it had been so short. "Yes. I think I'm OK, and now that the drugs are gone, I'm trying to think straight, trying to think of a way to use magic to…I don't know… get to you or whatever." I looked into his intense, concerned, beautiful eyes, and couldn't help myself. I let my defenses drop. "It's just that, it's so hard to concentrate. I don't know how long I was drugged, and anytime I'm awake, they…"

I managed to cut myself off and had to look away before I could continue. "It's hard, Adrian. I think I'm holding up OK, but it's getting harder…"

He pulled me into a hug again and whispered, "We're coming, Sydney."

As I nodded, he backed away and took a good look at me, his eyes moving from mine, down to my feet, and back up. I knew there was nothing to see from what I was wearing in the dream, and wondered if he could see my aura.

"You're cold and tired." It was a statement, not a question. "Hungry, too."

I bit my lip. I couldn't force myself to answer, and looked away after a few seconds.

"Can you use your magic to make yourself feel better until we come?" he asked.

"I don't know how," I said softly. "I can probably concentrate enough to get a fire near me, but they would see."

"You can't turn your back to them and hide it?"

I was still looking away but turned to him suddenly. I always tried to keep my back to the voice. I was usually curled up, my back to it, no matter what else was happening to me. "Adrian," I said, feeling the smile forming on my face. "I have my back to them nearly all of the time. I think could do something small enough that it would dry and warm me, but not affect or show on the floor or wall that I would be facing."

"Hot enough, but not so much that it would weaken you?" He asked. "You're pretty weak alre…"

He cut himself off, but I didn't care. He was concerned for me, I knew that. He had also helped me think of something I hadn't been able to before. This was the reason I loved him, one reason anyway. I often counted the reasons I loved him in my head when I was awake, and here he was, showing me one of them - he was strong when I was weak, he remembered things I couldn't just now.

"It's never been that hard," I said, pulling him close again, "and it's been getting easier as I've used it. I think I do it without them noticing. Thank you." I pulled him down for a kiss.

"Don't thank me yet. You're not free yet. I'll ask Jackie if there is a spell to teleport you out of there."

I laughed a little. All my Alchemist and reeducation problems were slipping away, if only briefly. "Does this escape plan have a number?"

"Twenty six," he said, hugging me tightly.

"26," I repeated and let myself fall into our normal banter. "OK, but I think a teleportation spell might be hard, so I would have to be able to go someplace safe, where I could recover. And someplace I wouldn't be arrested for indecency…"

I gasped as I cut myself off. I was freezing again.

I think I heard his fading voice say, "Sydney! We're coming…", but maybe it was my imagination.

I definitely heard the stupid monotone again.

"Good morning, Sydney. Did you sleep well?"

"I think you know the answer," I muttered. Feeling the sharp cold, the hard floor again, it wasn't hard to sound like I was losing hope. But inside, I was hopeful. I knew they were coming for me, and I had an idea of how to get warm and dry. I was going to find a time to try out Adrian's idea during this upcoming session.

Adrian's idea. The very thought made me feel better. He was still looking out for me, and they were coming for me.

"I do know the answer, Sydney," the voice said again. "And we both know the solution. Confess."


End file.
